Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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