Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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