We're facebook friends in real life
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
