Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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