im drinking this country out of the recession.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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