I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
