if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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