Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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