he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
