i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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