Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
