I think my vagina is haunted
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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