Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
