Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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