Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
