Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
