did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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