it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
