so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Im part way to drunk.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
