she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
