don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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