After last night, I could never be a politician.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
