Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
