the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
