I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize