ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
