just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
