I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
