xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
