Don't you send me to vm
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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