This is not my ceiling
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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