I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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