can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
