On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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