that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Two words: nipple clamps
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