This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
