highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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