Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
smell my finger.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
