I wish I could punch you in the face.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
