Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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