I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
