She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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