I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
