is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
