I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So vagazzling was a success
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
