my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
