Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
