remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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