Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he puts the penis in happiness.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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