My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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