the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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