a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My balls are so social today.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
