Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
