it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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