Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
