She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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