True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize