pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
