Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
