remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
