slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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