1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
