I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
