I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
