it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
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I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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