Michael Bay diarrhea
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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