so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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