I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him