all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.