Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller