Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss