I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
