It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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