If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
