the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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