he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
