just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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