I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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